


I can't lose you

by VianaDAscolli



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Coma, Crying, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Panic Attacks, Remus is bi in this, Rever - Freeform, Veronica is the oc of my friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23110294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VianaDAscolli/pseuds/VianaDAscolli
Summary: When Veronica woke up in a hospital with no memories of what had happened or what she was doing there, she felt worried and even scared, but when Remus suddendly showed up, a lot of new questions took the place of the already existing. Nothing would prepare her to what would happen next.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Original Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	I can't lose you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This was another prompt request on Tumblr
> 
> Veronica is the OC of my friend Starry who I love very much
> 
> Enjoy!

At first, all she could register was the sounds of beeping. Machines? Veronica blinked, slowly coming to her senses after what felt like ages. However, she could only see white. A blinding white of the walls, that blinded her momentarily, making her groan softly and close her eyes again, trying to get used to the light.

Where was she? After a few moments that felt like ages and taking a great effort, she opened her eyes again, trying to interpret with her still slow functioning brain what that place meant. White walls, curtains, a window on her left side. Once she finally grew accustomed to the extreme whiteness of the room and the rest of her surroundings, she realized she was in a hospital, making her sit abruptly on her also white, sanitized bed.

Why was she in a hospital? What happened to her? She noticed some machines and monitors connected to her, and felt even more confused: she didn’t remember having any kind of accident that could have left her like this. Did people usually didn’t remember anything? She wasn’t sure, but for now she pushed the thought out of her head.

When she stood up from the bed and unplugged those things from her, she felt strangely light and dizzy, like she had been lying down for an eternity but suddenly someone had lifted her up. With wobbly feet, she made her way to the bathroom, hoping that checking her appearance would clear up some of her questions.

The few steps from the bed to the bathroom door felt like miles, but she eventually managed to grad the handle and, with a sigh of relief, she turned it open and flicked the light switch on. Finally in front of the mirror, she took a look at her reflection, taking note of her bandaged arms, head and the bandages that she could see peeking out from the collar of her hospital pajamas. Hesitantly, she lifted her shirt to find that the bandages she had seen where also covering her shoulder, and some more that were firmly wrapped around her abdomen.

What the hell had happened to her?

She winced at the sensation when she tried to look at her back in the mirror, but she didn’t see anything other than more bandages. She sighed, letting her shirt fall into place again, and went back to the hospital room feelings light-headed once more. She had no idea why she was there or what had happened, but it was clear that, whatever had occurred, she had been really injured.

It was in that moment that it occurred to her that she hadn’t seen anyone yet. Where was the nurse? The doctor? Where was Remus? Instead of going back to her bed, she went to stand in front of the door, which she supposed would lead to the rest of the hospital. She lifted a shaky hand to the handle. Why was she shaking? It wasn’t like anything bad would happen for trying to see what was going on outside.

She tried turning it, but frowned in confusion when she realized the door wasn’t opening. Was the door locked? Why? She tried pushing it open again, but it didn’t move an inch. That was weird. Realizing she couldn’t get out of the room, she suddenly felt a feeling of oppression on her chest that made it difficult to breathe normally.

“Come on, calm down.” She told herself, taking a deep breath. “You just have to wait here until someone comes or find a way to call them. Surely someone will come, they won’t let you be trapped here forever.”

With that new plan in mind, she backed away from the door and started looking for something, like a button or similar, that would let her call a nurse. However, she couldn’t look for more than a few seconds before the sound of the door opening abruptly startled her.

“NICA!” She gasped. She recognized that voice, she _loved_ that voice, and for a moment she felt like the happiest person alive for being able to listen to it once again. She turned around, happiness bubbling in her chest and a smile that grew in her lips, taking in the sight of her boyfriend.

He was a wreck. Well, even more than usual. His hair was messier than normal, looking like a bird nest at this point, his lips were chapped and looked like they had bled several times in a short period of time, his skin didn’t have that healthy tan that it usually had, but it had taken a sickly pale tone that immediately worried Veronica, her eyes traveling to his, wide and scared, dark bags under them very noticeable in his unusually pale skin. He was panting heavily, like he had run several miles without stopping once.

“Remus…” She felt a pang in her chest for seeing him this way. Was she the reason of this?

But Remus didn’t look at her. He, instead, made his way towards the bed, completely ignoring her. Confused, she turned to the place where she had been lying a few minutes ago, and she felt her breath leaving her body completely as she noticed there was someone sleeping on it.

It was her.

Suddenly feeling like she was in a surreal dream, she approached her own limp form, taking note of the injuries and bruises that she hadn’t seen in herself when she’d looked at the mirror. Those white bandages that she had seen weren’t as white now, bits of bloody red stains visible even through the fabric. Her cheeks were white and hollow, her pink hair had lost its shine. She looked… she looked barely alive. Not dead, but not living really.

Remus had kneeled next to the bed, clutching her hand like his life depended on it, his whole body trembling like a scared animal being threatened. His eyes, pleading and terrified, shone in a way that made her realized he was barely holding back tears.

“Nica! Nica, please wake up!” She could almost feel his thundered heart from there. “I’m sorry, Nica, I’m so sorry! I’m sorry for storming out like that! I’m sorry for not coming back! I’m sorry I left without telling you anything! I’m sorry I was such an asshole! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” He finally gave up in trying not to cry, and tears started spilling from his eyes one by one until it was clear he couldn’t stop sobbing uncontrollably. The salty water run through his cheeks and swelled his eyes red, making him look even more miserable than before. Pain flooded through her as see took the sight of her boyfriend, wanting nothing more than take him in her arms and tell him it would be okay, that she’s here and she forgave him, that she loved him and that _please look at me, I’m right here, please Remus look at me._

She suddenly remembered what had happened. They’d had a fight, one bigger than their usual fights, that had ended up with Remus storming out of their apartment, probably to calm himself down so that they could solve their dispute with a clear mind. After he’d gotten out, she had also left their place to have some fresh air (people where more susceptible when they didn’t have enough sunlight, and due to a really busy week at their respective jobs neither of them had been able to rest much). Grabbing a book from the shelf, she went to the park near their apartment building and settled herself under a tree. After a while, she had already calmed down completely, pride and anger having left her, and she thought about what she’d said during their argument. She was ready to apologize and make up with Remus.

When she arrived back to their home, she found that he still hadn’t gotten back yet. That was okay, she would wait, besides, it was barely 3 o’clock (and a day neither of them had to work), so there was plenty of time until the sun would set.

But the hours passed and Remus still hadn’t returned, even after the sky started to darken, so she started to worry. She tried to call him, but his phone must have been turned off or the battery must have died. After waiting for a while more, she decided to go look for him: grabbing her keys, she made her way to her car and checked the hour. It was 10PM. Sighing, she noticed it was starting to rain, hoping Remus had gone to Roman’s house or at least somewhere with a roof.

Lost in her worries, she didn’t notice in time the car that skipped the red light and bolted towards her. All she could remember seeing was light and then nothing.

Ah, she thought, I must have crashed, then. But why was she not waking up? Or, why was she awake in mind but her body won’t move at all? Was she a ghost? An astral projection? Was she actually dead? Or was this a coma? She didn’t know what was going on but what she knew for sure was that she wanted to wake up.

No, she corrected herself, watching Remus still crying to her hand like she was dead, she _needed_ to wake up. She didn’t think she could bear seeing him in so much pain for much longer.

The door opened again, making her turn and recognizing the man who entered, but Remus didn’t seem to notice the disturbance until his brother placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, looking at him with sadness. He looked up at him, the tears having slowed down, and stared in confusion as Roman held out a water bottle.

“You need to drink, Remus” His voice, Veronica noted, was soft and gentle, far from how he usually talked with his twin. “You could end up dehydrated.” Her boyfriend snorted weakly.

“Seriously?” He sounded hoarse and tired. “You’re worrying about the possibility of me getting a little dehydrated when Nica is _in a fucking coma?_ " Roman didn’t waver, his eyes looking more severe but without losing their gentleness, and took one of Remus’ hands to make him take the plastic bottle. He didn’t fight, instead he just held the container while his other hands still clutched hers.

“Please, Remus, you know Veronica would want you to take care of yourself.”

He was right, she did. She wanted him to be safe and healthy, she wanted to see his wide, crazy smile that she loved so much, she wanted to see that devilish handsome face not being tainted with that pain, that desperation and that grief, she wanted him to eat and drink, to gather energy and not stay unmoving beside her, she wanted to hear his laugh, his loud cackles and his cute giggles, she wanted him to _live_.

Remus flinched at Roman’s words, clearly hitting a nerve. But, after some hesitation, he reluctantly let go of her hand to remove the cap of the bottle and drink. Apparently he had been very thirsty, because after a few sips he proceeded to chug the water until the bottle was completely empty. He breathed heavily for the lack of oxygen as he threw the plastic container to the floor, not bothering in getting up and instead taking Veronica’s hand again in his. Roman sighed, picking up the bottle from the floor and heading towards the door.

“I’m going to get you something to eat, you need energy. I’ll be back in ten minutes.” Then, he left the hospital room and closed the door behind him.

Silence fell into the room, heavy like concrete, where only the beeps of the machines connected to her could be heard. Remus didn’t say anything else. He stayed quiet even when Roman came back and forced him to eat a sandwich. He stayed quiet when, hours later, his twin managed to make him go back home to rest. He also stayed quiet the next day when he came back. And the next. And the next. And the next. It was the same thing every day. He just sat there and held her hand, looking at her lost in his thoughts, pain being a constant in his eyes.

Time passed, and other people came to visit her.

Sometimes, Roman came and sat there, telling her about his shows and performances, and she kept listening with attention as he updated her on this new thing he was doing or that other thing he was making. Sometimes, Virgil also showed up, usually with Roman, but there were also days were he would visit her alone, and talk about his day or his week, how everyone was doing without her. Dami visited often, too. He normally would just sit there and hold her hand, the hand that Remus wasn’t holding, reading a book or venting about something stupid a professor or a classmate had said in Law School. Patton and Logan always came together, with Pat doing all the talking and chattering while Logan worked in his computer or read those thick books him and Dami liked. She watched as those two slowly realized their feelings for each other, and internally congratulated them when Pat told her they had started dating. She smiled, and felt glad good things were happening. And she wished she could wake up and tell them how proud she was of them.

But months passed, and nothing had changed. Her body remained unmoving as she felt time run, and never stop. Remus kept coming every day, and he looked worse every time she saw him: more tired, more thin, more desperate. She could feel her heart breaking whenever her love would take her hand between his shaking ones, sadder than she’d ever seen him before.

This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t fair and Remus was suffering and she could only watch helplessly and _she hated it_. She would give anything at that moment to be able to wrap her arms around him, to be able to see his eyes light up when seeing her, to kiss him, talk to him and tell him everything would be alright, that they had each other, that they were together and that nothing would separate them! But she couldn’t say that, she didn’t know that. She couldn’t even do _any_ of that! She let out a frustrated sound. She didn’t even know why this was happening! Being forced to see how Remus broke down, without being able to do anything about it? That was just cruel.

She wished they hadn’t had that stupid argument that day. It would all have been still fine, no-one injured or in danger or dying. She wished she had waited a bit more, instead of going to look for him at that time. Or she could have had left a bit earlier. Maybe that would have worked. She wished she hadn’t gone to look for him in Roman’s house first. She wished Remus hadn’t been gone for so many hours. She wished, she wished, she wished.

But it was all useless. No matter how much she wished, it wouldn’t _do_ anything. She could do anything, but wait. Just wait and hope for the best. Wait and hope that she would eventually wake up, even if she didn’t know how to do that. She had to. She _had to_ wake up. For him.

Remus’ voice snapped her out of her thoughts. It sounded so sad, so subdued, so insecure and so hopeless. It sounded _wrong_. He shouldn’t have sounded like that. It made her, once more, want to hug him and never let go.

“Nica… Please, wake up. It’s been so long since I last saw your cute smile and your beautiful eyes, and I miss you so much, _so much_ , I don’t know how I’ve gotten through these months. Our bed feels so fucking cold and _empty_ without you, I feel like everything has lost its color, and I can’t stop thinking about how I wish you were with me, laughing at me and smiling the way you do and holding me and being _you_. Being without you, not knowing if you’ll ever wake up, if you’re suffering or not, I can’t bear it! And I already knew that before this happened, and I already knew that I don’t want to be apart from you ever in my life, but I’d wasted my time finding the right moment to tell you and give you _that goddamn ring_ that I’ve been keeping for months and now I don’t know if I’ll even be able ask you to marry me!” His voice cracked, but he kept talking, not bothering to wipe his tears anymore, and she felt the need to kiss them away. “I love you so much, Nica, I can’t lose you. Please, don’t leave me! I love you so much I feel my chest will burst, and I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t think I’ve ever loved someone this much before!” She desperately wanted to tell him to breathe, to help him and to calm him down, as always, but she couldn’t. As always. She barely registered her own tears streaming down her cheeks. “I can’t lose you, Nica, I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose you! I just don’t know!”

He stopped talking abruptly and didn’t say anything else, but he kept breathing swallowing gulps of air for a long time, with no help in sight since they were alone, until he eventually managed to slowly calm his breathing, his tears having already dried. His hands were shaking too much and his expression was one of deep desperation.

She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t just sit there and do nothing. She felt like her chest was tearing apart, and all she could think of was _him_ and _please I want to wake up I have to wake up I need to wake up_ and-

She opened her eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Comment if you want!


End file.
